Giving Up and Going On

I have finally decided to stop trying yet again, to conceive. I just don't even want to think about it anymore. Farrel and I really have a good life together. It just seems that the only thing missing is having a baby. We
have his two boys from his 1st marriage and I guess thats just the way it was meant to be. So anyway, on a brighter note Farrel and I are going great. We've been married almost 12 years. (Nov. 29th) It seems like we've been married a life time already and I don't mean that in a bad way. We still kiss often, we still hold hands, and most of all we still love each other very much. He completes me, I truly could not imagine my life without him. So, as long as I have him I am ok with that fact that we are unable for whatever reason to conceive.

Waiting On A Long Shot

Ok, so once again its that time of the month and I am waiting and praying that this will be the month. Every month I go through the same thing the endless waiting. I check to see if I conceive this month what sex baby would I have. Not that it really matters but, I do it anyway. I did it for the next 6 months and wonder could that possibly be right. Every other month it was a girl. I don't think I believe that. Anyway, I am waiting once again and the only sign I have are tender bewbies but, once again that could be fred. Since it is apparent that this is a sign for me.

Alway Waiting For Something.

Ok so Fred finally came, and now he won't leave. This is absolutely the longest time ever. I just amazes me I waited and waited and now I'm waiting and waiting for it to go away. Ok, so this month because of something in my sisters blog I'm going to do something different. I hate milk dispise it. But, I will be trying to get lots of it in me this month. Lets just see if reversing what I normally do works. I think she should do the same...

No More Waiting Finally

No More Waiting Finally

A BIG FAT NO

Ok, so I broke and tested last night even though I knew in my heart once again it would be for nothing. Of course it was. The pain that I feel every time I do one of those at home test. WHY, must I keep doing this to myself? Why, indeed because there is only one reason. I want to be a mom. Not just a step mom. I want to have my own. I get so tired of hearing my husbands ex wife say this is why she had the boys so that I could be a mom too. That was gods plan. Honestly, I don't like that plan. Fred still hasn't shown his ugly face. Wonder where hes hiding. No sign of him in sight either. No bloating, no cramps, no chocolate cravings.... I'm 37 for gods sake, how much longer can I wait...

The Waiting Game

Well, once again its the waiting game. Fred had come and gone and here I am waiting again. Will Fred come? Lets hope not!!!! I hate to get hopeful but its hard not too, when its something I want so much. Anyway, I only really have two good signs, but that sign could also mean Fred. My beast or tender and Fred is just a little late showing up. Yep, that's it the only signs I have. So are they good signs. Fred is never really late I work like clock work... Tender breast yes I get that every once and awhile its just never lasted this long. Or maybe I have and I am just really grasping...