A BIG FAT NO

Ok, so I broke and tested last night even though I knew in my heart once again it would be for nothing. Of course it was. The pain that I feel every time I do one of those at home test. WHY, must I keep doing this to myself? Why, indeed because there is only one reason. I want to be a mom. Not just a step mom. I want to have my own. I get so tired of hearing my husbands ex wife say this is why she had the boys so that I could be a mom too. That was gods plan. Honestly, I don't like that plan. Fred still hasn't shown his ugly face. Wonder where hes hiding. No sign of him in sight either. No bloating, no cramps, no chocolate cravings.... I'm 37 for gods sake, how much longer can I wait...